been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
