I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
