I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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