and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
