I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
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