Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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