Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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