You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
