wrigley field is MILF paradise
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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