Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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