So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
