The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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