I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
