It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
