Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
