he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
