ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
