Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
