My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
