Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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