when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
