He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
