Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
