i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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