Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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