Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
