This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
