somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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