Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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