he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The Olympian is in my bed
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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