Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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