when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
