Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
