Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
