Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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