I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He? As in you personified your dick?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
