i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
