I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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