My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
