It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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