I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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