whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
