Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
