We won't sleep together?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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