My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
