he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
