I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
