At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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