i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
