I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
