Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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