Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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